What The Hell Am I Doing Here?
by Laura15
Summary: FINAL CHAPTER UP SO PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. Carter and Abby are now together wha is Abby thinking? PLZ R
1. What The Hell

_None of the characters in this fanfiction belong to me (I wish they did) And thanks to feefsmall i.e Fiona thanks for all the help you have given me._

What the hell am I doing here? thought Abby this has to be the worst day yet first a man pukes up all over my new trousers so I had to where scrubs secondly whilst I was helping in a trauma room I managed to get blood all down my top and its my birthday and nobody remembered. Thank god my shift is nearly over, only half an hour left and no sign of any traumas.

    "Abby can you get me a premix" 

    "Sure doctor Weaver which room?"

    "Curtain 6"

Abby started to walk towards the store room when she over heard Chuny talking about how Susan's going out with someone she didn't really catch the name of that person but who really cares Chuny was bound to collar her later to tell her the news.

    " Premix, premix, premix where the hells the premix"

    "Talking to yourself again Abby"

Abby remember the foreign voice and instantly knew it was Luka

    "Haha very funny have you seen the premixes?"

    "Are they on the top?"

    "I can't reach" Abby blushes as she said this

    "Do you want me to have a look?"

    "Please." 

All Luka had to do was look over the top and he found a premix god Abby wished she was taller.

    "There you go"

    "Thanks"

Abby walked down the corridor thinking about what had happened today why the hell hadn't Luka remembered he birthday? After all she did remind him last week, in fact she reminded everyone last week she told Chuny first that would of made it go around and Carter already knows when her birthday is. That reminded her she hadn't seen Carter all day mind you she has been avoiding him since what happened on the bridge that night but that doesn't mean he can forget her birthday does it? She knew Carter was working today she saw his name up on the board, why was she so bothered if Carter forgot her birthday, why was she bothered  about him, why did she have to fall from him? Christ her life was a mess.

     She walked into curtain 6 and added the premix to Mr Carlsons medication list then looked at the clock she was off finally, to be honest she had been of for the last 5 minutes but she hadn't noticed. As she was walking to the lounge she noticed Carter walking in maybe this was it maybe she could become friends again she hoped so anyway. She was about to open the door when Chuny collared her here goes she thought 

       "You wouldn't guess who's Susan's going out with?" he had that excited look on his face.

       "Hold that thought Chuny, let me get my coat and then you can tell me ok"

       "Hurry up then"

As Abby opened the door she wasn't expecting what she saw, Carter and Susan kissing and hugging each other, Carter looked up and saw Abby he could see all the emotions that were running through her mind he could tell she was hurt.

This is my first ever fanfiction so please review. And a massive thanks to Fiona i.e feefsmall she has been a great help THANKS. REVIEW PLEASE


	2. Why Is This Happening?

None of the characters are mine (I wish they were). Em thanks for the review this will become a carby fanfic as I'm NOT a carson and don't like writing it, it makes me feel ill. Please review as this is my first fanfic (second chapter) and would like to know what your think.

Abby just stood there not knowing what to say, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Why was this happening? Why was her doing this to her? He knew she had feelings for him and she thought that he had feelings for her. Susan was the first to break the silence.

      " I have a man with explosive diarrhea in curtain 3 I had better go and see how he's     

        doing

      "Yeah I'll see you later" 

As Carter said this he was looking at Abby he could tell she was upset he hated seeing her like that, he hated the fact that he had caused it.

    "Excuse me Abby"

    "Sorry I just needed my jacket"

Abby moved out of the way so Susan could pass, as she passed Abby felt some sort of anger inside her, the last time she felt that anger was when she found out that Richard hadn't paid for her med school.

  Once Susan was out of the room Abby went to her locker to retrieve her jacket. She wasn't going to cry in front of him hell she would never cry in front of anyone, why would she start on the one day when she was meant to be celebrating.

    "Abby I didn't want you to find out like that"

    "How did you want me to find out John? Through Chuny, through the ER grape vine?"

    "Why the hell are you so angry Abby?" 

    "Angry you think I'm angry"

    "Yeah you seem like it"

    "I'm not angry Carter I'm upset"

    "Upset why?"

    "I'm upset because I thought that we could talk about things, I'm upset because you 

     didn't tell me, I'm upset because you felt the need to go behind my back with Susan,

     I'm upset John"

He knew how she felt the love, the anger, the pain. He had felt all this when he found out that Abby was going out with Luka he knew to well. He knew what he had put her through at that very moment when she walked through the lounge door and he felt bad about it.

   "Look Carter I've had a crappy day it just took me by surprise that's all so I lashed out 

    at the nearest person and that just happened to be you"

He knew she was lying, she never lashed out after a crappy day she kept it locked inside as always. She grabbed her jacket and was about to leave the room when Malik ran in with a massive smile on his face.

   "Hey guys, thank god I caught you Abby, I was afraid I had missed you, you see my

    shift starts at 8 and yours finishes at 7:55 so I had to run. Are you all right?

   "Yeah I'm fine, what's wrong?"

As she said that she looked at Carter who was dying to say something but he didn't know what, she could read his mind practically well she could read his eyes anyway.

   "Well when I got here

 I asked Chuny where you were and she said in here but not to

    disturb you because she had heard some shouting"

Abby shot a glance at Carter as if to say 'we were shouting' it was like he could read her mind well actually her eyes.

    "Anyway when the shouting stopped I had to come in and give you this"

He handed her a gift she didn't really know what to say.

   "Happy Birthday Abby I told you I'm good at remembering important dates"

   "Malik I…I don't know what to say thank you I can't believe you even remembered!"

Carter was stood there not knowing what to say, he had forgotten his best friends birthday well not so much best friend anymore they hardly ever spoke, but that was not the point he had forgot and I probably didn't help with the fact that she had caught him and Susan kissing god he felt bad.

   "I'd better get back to work if Weaver finds me she will kill me"

   "Thanks Malik"

She gave him a hug and he left the room leaving Carter and Abby alone.

   "I didn't realise it was your birthday Abby"

   "You never asked Carter"

And with that she left the room leaving Carter feeling as bad as he had ever felt.


	3. Coffee?

None of the characters are mine (damn). I would like to say thanks to everyone who reviewed, and keep reviewing as I want to know what you think and any tips are welcome.

She walked out of the doors and the cold wintry air hit her like a ton of bricks, by know she was crying the tears that she had been holding back in front of Carter couldn't be held much longer they had to get out. She didn't know what was going on, her head was full off different emotions anger, pain, and confusion. What had just happened? She couldn't believe what she had just said to the man she loved. She couldn't believe what she had just seen, Carter kissing Susan why? He knew she had feelings for him and when she was going out with Luka he had told her that he had feelings for her so why was he doing this to her? 

He stood there in the lounge not knowing what to do next. Should he go after her or should he let her go? He knew he had hurt her more than anything he could she it in her eyes, he knew she wanted to cry but he also knew she wouldn't. Every time some sort of emotion got caught up in Abby he knew she would just bottle it down till nobody was around her, he knew she would put up defences the same defences that Abby had used on a number of times. Why did she do that it would only make matters worse. And why the hell did he forget her birthday, he never usually forgets things why was he such an ass? 

(Time lapse next day)

He had been working all night and still had four hours to go. Susan went home an hour ago she didn't looked pleased with him, he didn't really care what she thought it was her fault she had kissed him, she was the one who wanted lunch in the hospital not him. 

Abby was due in any minute know so he decided to wait in the lounge. This time he wasn't going to shout and hopefully she wouldn't either, he hoped so anyway. She walked through the door, she looked and him and started to walk back out to the admin desk. He got up and grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Let go Carter," she sounded angry

"No just listen to me" he was trying to catch a glimpse of her face but she had her head hung, he lifted her head up he could tell she had been crying her eyes were red and puffy. He had done this to her, he had made her cry.

"Why should I Carter why should I listen to you"?

She had a point why should she listen to him?

"When's your break?"

"I've only just started Carter I have an hour till my break" he could tell she was getting angrier 

"Meet me in Docs in an hour then" 

"Why"

"Just do it Abby"

He let go of her arm and she walked out of the lounge, was she going to meet him in an hour? Did she want to talk to him after last night? Yes she wanted answers, that's the least she deserved.

Hope you like people. Please review tell me what you think PLEASE. And I've noticed that there are two Laura's well I'm this one I've only wrote this fanfic so far so please don't get confused.

Love Laura


	4. Answers

None of the characters are mine (damn). Please review as it helps me write the next chapter in a weird sort of way. Thank you.

He sat in the corner of a cubicle nursing know a cold cup of coffee. Abby's break had started 20 minutes ago and she still wasn't there, where the hell was she? He knew that he had made her cry and he wouldn't be surprised if she never spoke to him again but he knew Abby needed answers he could see it in her eyes when he asked her to meet him, he could read her like a book like she could him, nobody else could read what was going on in Abby's mind not Richard or Luka and nobody could read Carters mind like Abby could, not even Susan and she had known him the longest!!! 

" Can I get you anything else sir?" asked the waitress who had noticed that his coffee must be cold by know.

" Erm yeah can I have another cup of coffee please"

" Sure" she gave him a polite smile and walked away with his order.

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She could see him in the cubicle waiting for her, nursing that cold cup of coffee. His face seemed tired and dull like there was no life left in it, god she knew him to well. 

     What was she going to ask him? Was she even going in at all? Yes she had to she had to see what Carter had to say for himself, he was the one who hurt her not the other way around he knew she had feelings for him and he still went behind her back. God what a bastard. She could feel the anger creep up inside her but she couldn't do anything yet she had to find out what he had to say.

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He could see her walking towards him, her small petite figures slowly walking towards him her head hung to the ground trying either not to cry on not to look him in the eyes so he could see the pain that he had caused.

 " Hey I wondered when you'd get here"

 " I didn't have to come Carter"

She had called him Carter; she never calls him Carter only when something's wrong.

 " I know I'm glad you did"

 " Can I take your order Miss and here's your coffee sir"

 " Erm I'll have a coffee please"

 " Sure it's on its way" once again the waitress went off leaving Carter and Abby alone.

 " So why did you do it Carter?"

 " Do what?" God he knew what he had done why couldn't he say it!! 

 " You know what Carter. Why did you do it you knew I had and still have feelings for you even though I know I shouldn't"

 " I'm sorry Abby I didn't mean for me and Susan to happen we've only been going out for a couple of days I just came up"

 " What and bit you in the ass?" Abby could feel the angry inside of her it was about to explode.

 " Abby don't be like this"

 " Be like what Carter? Am I meant to be happy am I meant to be wishing you and Susan the best? Some how I don't think so"

 " I don't expect you to be I just wish you were more civil" 

 " Civil you expect me to be civil to whom Carter? You or Susan?"

 " Look Abby I didn't mean to hurt you"

 " Then what did you mean?"

 " I just couldn't wait for you to get over Luka" He'd said it, oh my god he had said it!

 " What's that supposed to mean?"

 " I couldn't stand around waiting for you to get over Luka"

 " So you opted for the nearest thing, Susan"

 " I guess" Carter looked at the floor; all of a sudden his feet had become quiet interesting. What had he just said? He could feel Abby's eyes upon him searching for something but what? He looked up and into Abby's eyes he could see them starting to fill with tears, he had broken the barricaded down.

 " Me and Susan are no way near serious Abby I would never be able to get close to her not like I can with you. You know everything about me every last detail"

 " Yeah but you still chose Susan Carter that's what hurts the most" With that she stood up and left he had hurt her by the sounds of it he had hurt her badly.

There you go 4th chapter. Please review either on the site of email me at skeggy4@aol.com all help is welcome with open arms. Thank you


	5. Drinking and Thinking

Hi guys thought I had better bring you the next chapter. Please REVIEW. None of the characters are mine (damn) and I would like to thank Fiona for all the help you have given me THANKS.

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"God I'm such a dumb ass!" Carter thought on his way home after a long shift, 

"Why did I have to mention Luka?". The same thoughts kept circling his mind until he reached the front of the door, where he saw somebody sitting on the step.

  
"Susan?"  
  
  


"Carter where the hell have you been?" asked Susan.

  
She still persisted on calling him Carter even though his name was John.

  
"What? I've been at work!" Carter replied.

"No your shift finished an hour ago we were meant to go out for dinner remember?"

  
"Susan I'm sorry, I totally forgot about it, Sorry"

"Where were you?"

"Driving"  
  


"I can see that but where did you go?"

  
"No where special"

  
"No where special? So you decided to go for a drive to nowhere special instead of going out for a meal with your girlfriend?" Susan's voice had started to raise as she had reached to the end telling Carter to think of a good explanation and quick.

  
"I needed to sort a few things out" Carter said, quickly.

"What with Abby?"

  
"Yeah, with Abby"

  
"What's your problem Carter?" Susan said angrily. 

"At first you don't want to go out with her because you think that you're going to be the rebound guy. Then, when you have a girlfriend you want to go out with her."

  
"I never said I wanted to go out with Abby?"

Why couldn't he be honest for a change? He hated himself for saying that. Of course he wanted to go out with Abby he has done so for years. 

Suddenly Susan snapped him out of his thoughts

  
"You don't want to go out with Abby? You could off fooled me! All you talk about is Abby. When Abby walks in on us kissing you always stop and say sorry to her!"

  
"Carter admit it, you love her, you care for her every move, you want her approval in everything that you do!" Susan looks Carter in the eyes.

  
"No I don't!"

  
"Carter, don't lie to me, your no good at it! You never really wanted to go out with me did you? I was your rebound guy."

  
"Susan it wasn't like that!"

  
"Carter, just go! Go and get her."

  
"I don't understand, Susan, I don't love Abby." Carter looks away when he says this. It is obvious to Susan that he didn't mean what he just said. 

  
"Ok, I'll put it in a more simpler form. It's over us, go and get Abby, you love her."

  
Carter looks at the floor not knowing whether to thank her or to say sorry

  
"Go, Carter before I change my mind"

  
"I'm sorry Susan"

  
With that Carter jumps into his jeep and starts to head over to Abby's to see if he can sort this mess out.  
  
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"Can I have another vodka please?" Abby was slurring her words a bit. By now she already had had 6 glasses of straight up vodka. It seemed to ease the pain of what was her life.

  
" I think you've had enough already Miss!" the bartender glared at Abby

  
"No I haven't I can still hear him, his voice inside my head." Abby feel backward slighty, but managed to regain her balance quickly.

  
"I'm afraid I can't serve you Miss, maybe I should call you a cab home."

  
"Look you either serve me here or I'll go to another bar and you'll be missing out on some good cash" Abby gets out her purse and puts a handful of dollar bills on the bar.

"Okay, miss but don't blame me when you have a mighty big hangover tomorrow morning." The bartended walks away and starts pouring out her drink.

Abby smiled at the thought of the alcohol seeping through her body, getting rid of all the thoughts about the man she loved, Carter!

  
"Why did he mention Luka?" she thought to herself . "He knew I wasn't going out with him, Why?" 

The bartender comes over with Abby's drink and she immediately picks up the glass and swallows the clear liquid.  
  
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Carter stood motionless outside Abby's door. What was he going to tell her? That he had been a stupid idiot and chose Susan, as she was the easy way out? 

When he chose Susan, it meant that he couldn't act on his feelings for Abby. Susan was safe. 

Carter stood for about a few minutes, thinking until finally he knew exactly what he was going to say to the woman he loved.

All he had to do know was knock.

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There ya go!! Thanks to Fiona for being a brilliant BETA (You're the Queens Fiona) AND PLEASE REVIEW I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!! 


	6. Shall I Tell Her?

Here I go again…. None of the characters are mine (I sooooo wish they were) and a HUGE thanks to Fiona for being the best BETA in t he world.

Carter stood motionless outside Abby's door. He had been knocking for five minutes and still, there was no answer.   
  
Where the hell could she be? Is she ok? Maybe she just doesn't want to talk to me.  The thought of Abby sitting inside her apartment, all alone made him shiver with fear as the thought of Brian came into his head. What if she is lying on the floor bleeding to death?   
  
With that thought Carter banged on the door more furiously than he had done before, this time he wanted to know if she was all right to see she wasn't hurt. He felt responsible for Abby he didn't know why, he just did, her every move he cared for, the way she brushed her hair behind her ears when she was nervous, the way she would make him laugh at inappropriate times like his Grandfathers funeral. Why he had chosen Susan over Abby he will never know but this time he was hoping he can put things right.  
  
"ABBY ARE YOU IN THERE PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR WE NEED TO TALK!!" There was still no answer, he was getting seriously worried and was about to knock the door down when he heard something behind him.  
  
"Carter? Why are you banging down my door?"  
  
It was Abby, a very drunken Abby. Carter looked at her, he could see that she had been crying he notices she has been drinking.   
  
"Have you been drinking Abby?"  
  
"No" she slurred in a way that was almost seductively.  
  
"You have, I can smell it. How much have you had?"  
  
"Not a lot 2 glasses of vodka and that's it!"

  
He could tell she was lying because two glasses of vodka couldn't have gotten her into a state like this.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"No, I'm not sure on anything anymore." 

She seemed to laugh at the last part as if it were a joke.  
  
"Come on give me your keys we are going inside to sober you up."  
  
"I don't want to be sobered up I'm perfectly fine on my own thank you very much"  
  
She made her way to her door but toppled over half way there, into Carters arms  
  
"You need sobering up Abby!" 

He held her tightly in his arms as if he were protecting her.  
  
He lifted her to her feet and could see in her eyes she was about to break down. She handed him the keys and he opened her door and helped her inside.  
  
"Coffee?"   
  
"No thanks."  
  
"Abby you need something to drink."  
  
"Vodka"  
  
"No coffee it will help sober you up"  
  
"If sobering me up is that all you care about, then why are you even here?"  
  
"I came to see if you were alright."

"God he was getting good at lying why can't he ever tell the truth."  
  
"Well I'm fine."  
  
"No you're not Abby"  
  
"Yes I am, I don't need your help so go back to Susan."  
  
"No I'm staying with you"  
  
"Why? You don't need to, you and Susan are the happy couple, not me and you. You of all people shouldn't be helping me."

  
He handed her the freshly made cup of coffee and watched her take a sip. He took the seat next to her watching her with his eyes surveying what she was doing.  
  
"Carter, why did you choose Susan and not me?"  
  
"She was safe like Luka was with you, there were no strings attached just two people enjoying each others company."

There he had said it, the truth.  
  
"Safe? Why couldn't I be safe?"  
  
"Because I wouldn't want you to be safe. Susan didn't mean anything to me, not like you. You mean everything to me and I wanted to make sure that you felt the same about me."  
  
"But I do, I always have done but you wouldn't accept the fact that I had broken up with Luka!"  
  
"Luka, I know you had broken up with him it was just to soon after you broke up with him. I would of felt like the rebound guy not your boyfriend.  
  
"Rebound guy? Was that what Susan was? The rebound girl for you?"  
                                                                                                                                                 "Yeah I guess so but that's all over now!"

"Over?"  
  
"Yeah she broke up with me."  
  
"Oh"  
  
"Look Abby lets talk about this in the morning you need some sleep!"  
  
"I guess I do"  
  
"Yeah I'll stay the night on the couch to make sure your ok in the night is that ok?"  
  
"Yeah there are some clean sheets in the cupboard over there and an extra duvet in the cupboard under it."  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"No thank you"  
  
"Night"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

"Yeah good night."

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Well all I can say is PLEASE REVIEW AS I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT PLEASE. Or email me at skeggy4@aol.com please let me know what you think.

THANK YOU.


	7. Notes

Sorry about the delay but my computer had a virus and we couldn't get it off so we had to get someone to fix it. Anyway thanks to Fiona for being a brilliant BETA and thanks to everyone who r&r. Please r&r so I can see what you think and I hope you like…….

Abby yawned as the alarm clock went off, putting her hands over her ears. She had a massive headache. She slammed her hand down on the alarm clock to stop it and attempted to stand up but failed. Feeling dizzy and sick, she fell back onto her bed.   
  
"How much did I drink last night?" she whispered aloud as she turned over to look at the time, but as she turned over she noticed an envelope addressed to her. What was that doing there? Carter, damn she had forgotten he had slept the night. He had seen her drunk! She had seen the disappointment in his eyes when he asked her if she had been drinking. Why the hell was he at the apartment anyway? Why was he nearly banging my door down? Maybe the letter will explain.  
  
She picked up the letter and opened it and out fell two painkillers and two small notes. The first note said, "These might help that splitting headache you probably have!" the second note read "Meet me near the river on the bench at 4pm. We need to talk!" 

  
Need to talk? What does he mean 'we need to talk'? What have we got to talk about? We talked yesterday in Docs, what was he going to say that was new? He's with Susan, not me, why do we need to talk more about that? Wait a minute last night I remember him saying he wasn't with Susan anymore or was that in my dream? Oh my god, its true. He split up with Susan! But why? Why had he split up with Susan? That's probably what he wants to talk to talk to me about, or he wants to talk about me getting drunk something to make me feel even worse than I already do.

  
She attempted to get up out of bed again this time with more caution and after two attempts finally succeeded. She tossed the painkillers into her mouth had a small glass of water and headed towards the shower. She had two more hours before she had to be at work then twelve more hours before she had to meet Carter. Oh the fun she was going to have. 

  
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"Abby should be in by now her shift started at 4am and it was now 7am she must be here somewhere." Carter said aloud   
"Frank has Abby come in yet?"  
"Yeah she came in at four, you know the time her shift started!"  
"Yeah I know what time her shift started it's just I haven't seen her yet!"  
"Have you tried looking for her?"  
"Frank have you seen her or not?"  
"Not recently"  
"Thank you" 

Carter seemed to lose patience with Frank everyday I mean how much coffee and doughnuts can one man eat and drink in a day?

  
He walked over to the board and cleared off one of the patients that he had just discharged and saw her name she was in curtain .3., with Mrs Connell a regular at the hospital for all kinds of illnesses. He decided to go over there and ask if she wanted any assistance, whether she would except it or not was a different matter.

  
"Hi Abby do you need any help?"  
"Carter!!!" she jumped at the sound of his voice "Pardon?"   
"I said do you need any help?"  
"Erm no I don't think so, we are perfectly fine"

  
He was looking into her eyes and could tell something was wrong, he always could, it was like she was a book to him, he could easily of read her. It was getting her to open up which was the problem. Her defenses always sprung into action whenever someone tried to help her, or get her to talk to them every time, you could bet the weak Abby would be forced aside or barricaded in so only the strong Abby was showing. 

She had done this so often with her mom and her brother always being strong for Eric but deep down inside crying for someone to look after her, she had done it with Richard, forcing herself to be strong so she wouldn't have to cope with the heart ache, this is what caused her to drink, it numbed her feelings it helped her feel secure. Then she stopped drinking, got a divorce from Richard. Then Luka, he never really paid much attention to her which in away suited Abby, as she never really loved him. It was just physical and he was safe. It was himself, John Truman Carter III, he loved her and he knew that she loved him and she told him so that night on the bridge, but he still persisted that she still had feelings for Luka which now he knew she didn't. Yeah he liked Susan, she was funny, smart and kind but it was the same, as with Abby and Luka, well not exactly the same, Susan and he never had sex.

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Why does he do this to me? Abby stared into his eyes, she could tell what he was thinking, she could tell he didn't believe her, then someone shouted something that pulled both of them out of there trances.

  
"HELLO WHEN WILL I GET TREATED BEFORE OR AFTER YOU BOTH DECIDED TO STOP LOOKING IN EACH OTHERS EYES?"

  
"Sorry Mrs Connell. I'll get Dr Carter to sign this prescription form then I will give you your medicine ok?"

  
"ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

  
"Mrs Connell you don't need to shout, Carter would you sign this please?"

  
"Sure thing" she handed him the prescription and walked off to get the medicine.

  
Only 4 more hours till I have to meet and talk to Carter great!!  
  


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There ya go my long awaited 7th chapter how thrilling was that!!(Sarcastic voice) Anyhow please read and review as I love to know what you think about it good and bad reviews are welcome with open arms. Please let me know if you want more writing as well as it is fun to know that somebody reads this!!!! If you don't want to forward a review on the site please email me at skeggy4@aol.com and tell me what you think about it there. 

Laura


	8. Meetings

The new chapter is up!!! None of the ER characters esp. Carter and Abby belong to me. I do hope that you like and I would like to say a massive thanks to Hna for being absolute genius and helping me BETA this. Thanks for those special people who reviewed it is well appreciated and I hope that you and some others who ever reads this will read and review as well. THANK YOU AGAIN

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As Abby walked out of the ER the cold winter air hit he lungs with a sharp bang. She had forgotten how cold it could be in Chicago in winter, and today of all days it was no help. She was of to meet the formidable John Carter whom she had, in some ways loved over the past few years. He had helped her and she had helped him in many different ways and slowly she had begun to 'love' him. So it was now or never to finally talk to him about her drinking. 

It wasn't a problem it was just that night she needed to get drunk to forget things, how was she supposed to know that Carter would turn up on her door step, it was his fault he saw her like that not hers. 

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"Where was she? She was meant to be here now" Carter looked at his watch and noticed it had only been 5 minutes since he sat down on the bench but to him it had felt like a lifetime. He wasn't going to have a go at her over her drinking she knows where he stands on that but he wants to tell her how he feels towards her and not have to hide, that's why he was at her place last night he wanted to explain why he had dated Susan. It wasn't out of spite towards Abby hell no he would never mean to hurt Abby in any way shape or form, it was just, just, complicated. Yeah Susan was the 'rebound guy' and that's all she was Susan would never take the place of Abby. 

"Hey" 

Shit she is here what do I do, what do I say? 

"Earth to Carter you wanted to talk to me." 

"Erm yeah, hi" 

"Finally a response" She smiled a him he could tell it was a fake smile not a true Abby smile that he had grown to love whenever he saw it. 

"Sit down you'll give yourself cramp stood up there" 

"Yeah you're right" 

As she sat down her leg brushed up against Carter sending shivers down his spine. Whenever he touched her or she touched him he would act exactly the same shivers going down his spine it was like electric surging though his body filling every corner of him till there was no more to fill, it felt good great even. 

"Hellooooooo how many times are you going to be lost in thought I have to get home soon because I'm also working the vampire shift tonight" 

"Sorry. Erm, Abby we need to talk and I mean really need to talk" 

"That's why we are here isn't it?" 

"Yes I guess so" 

"So" 

"Abby about last night I.." 

"Look Carter what happened last night was terrible to you and to me. I'm not drinking as much as you think in fact hardly any at all it was just that night that I got completely drunk I had basically had a very, very crappy day and I guess old habits never die hard no matter how hard ya try. So before you give me the lecture I would really and truly like to say sorry" 

"Okay then that wasn't what I wanted to talk about but seeing that you started that then here goes. You know my views on the whole drinking thing and you know I will always be there to help you through it if it does get bad which I hope it doesn't for your sake as much as mine" 

"And it won't I total have it under control I don't even need or even want a drink at the moment and I haven't all day" 

"That's great to hear but like I said that's not what I wanted to talk about" 

"Oh so what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" 

He goes John, now or never 

"It was why I was at your apartment in the first place." 

"Why were you at my apartment in the first place anyway?" 

"That is what I'm trying to tell you" 

"Oh sorry" 

"Anyway I don't know how much you remember from last night but I told you that I broke up with Susan" 

"Yeah I kinda remember that part I was before I puked up I think" 

"Yeah anyway that was the reason" 

"What telling me you broke up with Susan! Come on Carter there has to be more because as far as I can remember including the small dints in my front door there has to be more" 

"There is, you were kinda the reason why we broke up" 

"Me!? Why me?" 

"Well when you came in on me and Susan I felt bad and I know that Susan knew that. She also knew that I felt something for you and still do that's why she dumped me she thought and knew that I had feelings still for you" 

"So what your telling me is that she dumped you because of you feelings towards me!" 

"Yeah I guess" 

Great make Abby feel better by telling her Susan dumped me because of her you know I just get better and better at this!! 

"There's more though after Susan kinda finished me she told me to come and get you" 

"That's why you were at my apartment to come and get me" 

"To come and tell you how I feel and not hide anymore" 

"Not hide not bloody hide for crying out loud do you know how that makes me feel! You break up with Susan then come to me somewhere along those lines I feel like the rebound guy" 

"No no no no your not the rebound guy Susan was the rebound guy from that night at the river" 

"Yes the night at the river where I opened up my heart to you where I told you how I felt towards you where you knocked mew back" 

"I didn't knock you back Abby" 

"Yes you did you knocked me back" 

"No I felt like you still had feelings for Luka that I was the rebound guy" 

"Why would you be the rebound guy? I had feelings for you before I even started dating Luka WAY before, Luka was in a way my rebound guy from you" 

"Really?!" 

"Really" 

"Oh you see I didn't know that" 

"You never asked!" 

"How was I supposed to know?" 

"Oh come on Carter you should of known by the way I used to spend more time with you rather than Luka!" 

"Yeah but at night time you still went to him" 

"Maybe because I couldn't go to you!" Abby's voice was barely audible when she said this he could tell by the way she spoke that she truly meant it 

"You could come to me now" 

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Abby looked into his eyes knowing that any moment she would kiss him or he would kiss her. She had been so scared to have this conversation, so scared that she had anticipated not coming but she was glad that she did, she wasnt sure what had swayed her but something had got the better of her. 

"Abby" 

"Yeah?" 

"Stop thinking for a moment" 

"Huh?" 

"You think to much into things" 

"Oh" She could see Carter smile, it was one of those smiles where she knew it was filled with love and anticipation. 

The look he gave her made her feel special, oblivious to the rest of the world, it made her feel wanted, needed and cared for. She had never really felt like that what with her mother being ill and hardly ever seeing her brother, what she needed and wanted most was love and Carter held that for her like she did for him. 

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Carter looked into her eyes and he could see the adoration that she had for him the same adoration that he held for her. 

With that he lowered his head and kissed her not to passionate but passionate enough to know that that person cares for you, Abby returned the kiss just as much as Carter did. 

"Carter" Abby mumbled though the kiss 

"Yeah" 

"Are we an 'us' now?" 

"I think we are and 'us'"

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Hope you liked??? Please review because it is great to read them J SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW because I want to know what you think it helps me write the next chapter because I like it when people give future ideas J THANKS FOR READING J


	9. Fate

Hi again just like to say that thanks for those few who reviewed my story so far… Just like to state that Carter and Abby are not mine by any nature even though I wish that they were. Thanks to Hna and Feefsmall all the help that they have given me whilst I have been doing this story. Also a huge thanks to the people who have read this story and have reviewed you guys are brilliant people ;) LOVE YA ALL

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Abby's POV)  
(This takes place a week after the kiss)  
(Carters apartment)  
  
  
God this week seems so surreal. I never thought that I would be going out with the greatest man alive. Carter is so kind, so caring, so damn cute, never mind sexy and I'm here with him, in his apartment, drinking out of his cups sitting at his table in one of his shirts which completely and utterly smells of him I wonder where he buys his cologne? Anyway I must be the luckiest woman in the world.  
  
"Abby have you seen my shirt?" Carter calls from the bedroom after he came out of the shower  
  
"Yeah it's in here"  
  
He enters with just his underwear on.

"Someone's been working out," Abby says, staring at Carter.    
  
"Whereabouts in here?"  
  
"Its in the kitchen"  
  
He looks around the kitchen before his eyes settle on me. A huge grin not only sets upon my face but on his as well.  
  
"Why Miss Lockhart you seem to be wearing my shirt!"  
  
"Looks like I am doesn't it. It is a little on the big side for me but it's comfy"  
  
She stands up to demonstrate what she means when she said to big for her. I just about reaches her knees and the sleeves have been rolled up quiet a few times. A smirk appears on Carters face.  
  
"Well so it does, maybe we should get rid of that one and get you one that fits before I'm late for work and Weaver kills me"  
  
"Please don't mention work!"   
  
"Well I am on 2 hours before you and you can't let me have these images in my head of what I'm missing out on it will distract me!"  
  
"And we can't let that happen now can we"  
  
"Nope, not if you don't want me to get fired"

  
"And why would I want that?"  
  
Our playful banter lasts for about 5 more minutes whilst I get changed into some sweat pants and an old university top of my own. I walk out of the bedroom and hand him his shirt giving him a delicate kiss on the lips as I do so.  
  
"Do you like teasing me Miss Lockhart?"  
  
"What can I say it's fun! Oh you so had better go before your late don't want Weaver on your back now."  
  
"Literally"  
  
I suppress a small giggle at his attempt at a joke he notices and gives me one of his cute smiles you know the ones where you can see his boyish dimples that make him look even cuter.  
  
"Go now, you will see me in 2 hours"  
  
"Already counting the minutes"  
  
He gives her a passionate yet sweet kiss on the lips and is out of the door.  
  
"Only 2 more hours Abby, only two more hours"  
  
She kept repeating it to herself as she went to have a shower. She sighed after stepping in. The water felt good!  
  
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(Carters POV)  
  
"Carter, we have a GSW on the way. "

"What's the ETA?"

"5 minutes"  
  
"On my way Chuny, Malik get a trauma room ready quick"  
  
"Yes sir!!" yells Malik, smirking.   
  
1 hour and 15 minutes I can't go that long without her here. God I'm like a love sick puppy, who would of guessed that 1 week ago we were arguing and now well now we are a couple. I mean she is the greatest thing to happen to me, she is smart, sexy, funny, witty and knows just what to do to make me happy. She is everything that I have ever wanted EVER!!

As I make my way out of the door I see Susan walking over to me. She looks up at me and smiles.

"Hey there Carter"

"Hey Susan

"What ya waiting for? Your lover?

"Ha ha Susan did you know you could be a comedian? No I am waiting for a GSW"

"Oh ETA?"

"5"

"Better get ready then see you in a bit"

"Okay"

She walks into the hospital still smirking. I wonder why she is so happy this morning, she is not a morning person I have seen it when she has been treating patients she is evil!! 

"So Carter how is Abby today?"

"Susan what do you want?"

"What??? I only want to know how you to guys are."

"We are great"

"The I am happy, seriously I am you guys always had that thing around you."

"Thing?"

"Love"

"Okay who are you? And what have you done with the not a morning person Susan Lewis?!"

"I don't know I'm just happy that's all "

"Right then."

(1 hour later)

"Time of death 9:10am"

"Don't worry about it Carter we could do nothing"

"Yeah I know"

God whenever I lose a patient I always feel bad. 

"Hey Carter"

I turn round to see the most beautiful person ever Abby

"Hey there stranger I thought you weren't I for another 15 mins?"

"I wasn't but I thought we could go for a coffee"

"Sounds great to me"

I grab her hand and pull her into me giving her the most passionate kiss I could muster at that moment in time. As I pulled away I noticed her face was bright red and she was looking at the floor. What had I done?

"Carter you do realise you just kissed me in front of all the ER staff, you do also realise the only person who knew about us before that was Susan." She looked up at me with those gorgeous eye that told me I had better say something otherwise I won't be sleeping in a bed tonight!

"Oh that's why you have gone red! Sorry"

"S'ok I guess lets just walk out of here now before Weaver gets here"

As we turned around to walk away I could here all the ER staff clapping and cheering our names shout 'finally' and 'congrats' I could tell Abby was smiling even though her head was bowed down.

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(Abby's POV)

Not only was that the greatest feeling in my life but also it was the most embarrassing moment of my life. We sat down at our usual booth and ordered two coffees and a piece of pie for Carter, how come that guy can eat whatever he wants and not put any weight on what so ever it's unfair!

"Carter?"

"Yeah" He says with a mouthful of pie"

"Well a) it's rude to talk with your mouth full and b) do you believe in fate?"

"A) sorry and b) never really thought about it

"Well I do I think"

"And what makes you think that?"

"Well though out everything that we have been through together and apart, we have always ended up closer together. So today I was thinking do those things happen for a reason?"

"I don't know but when you come to think of it, everything we have been through did bring us together somehow"

"I know." 

Whilst he is in thought I nick some of his pie.

"Hey get your own"

"What you weren't eating it!"

"Yes I was I was just in thought"

"What ever"

I flashes me a quick smile before starting to eat the rest of his pie. 

I have never felt happier in my whole life than what I feel at this moment in time. I'm with a man whom I love with all my heart and I know that he loves me the same.

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(Carters POV)

I have never felt happier in my whole life than what I feel at this moment in time. I'm with a woman whom I love with all my heart and I know that she loves me the same.

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There ya go guys the END!!! It has been fun writing this story and I should have a new story out very soon I hope J Thanks to everyone who has read this and reviewed and a special thanks mainly to Feefsmall aka Fiona for being a brilliant help. And a big thanks to Hna for giving a couple of ideas along the story.

THANKS TO EVERYONE

LOVE LAURA  
XXXXXXXXXXXX


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